Harry The Hamster

Leave a Comment

Harry Wants An iPad

Wow, hamster porn!

The Big Dumb Guy has been glued to his computer all day today, watching Apple’s announcement of its new iPad — basically a much bigger version of its iPod Touch with an unfortunate name. If you don’t think it’s unfortunate, you haven’t heard the jokes yet. Even the Big Dumb Guy got in on the fun, he made this up in Photoshop today.

He’s had an iPhone since forever and even has an AppleTV. The Big Dumb Guy is definitely an Apple fanboy. But he seems to be on the fence on this one. While he was feeding me my evening treat, he even talked with me about it. He doesn’t think I can understand, but as you know from reading this blog, I’m actually smarter than he is.

“Harry the Hammy!” he said. “Mmmm, wants some treatsies?” Geez, I’m almost 2, that’s like 55 in hamster years. I’m way past “Goo goo, ga ga.”

“Harry, I have an iPhone, but I can’t afford an iPad. Plus, it’s just like a really big iPhone. And I have one of those.” You said that already, Big Dumb Guy. “But it is much better than a Kindle. I mean, the Kindle’s black and white. It can’t play all of my iPhone apps, like Yahtzee, or Facebook, or Tweetdeck. Oh, well. Have a good night, you cutesie, wootsie little Hammy!”

Oh, Lord. Please. At this point, I think I’d like to be called anything but a Hammy now.

But I’ll get my revenge. What he doesn’t know is that I’ve actually located and pilfered his Visa number and expiration date. Plus, I’ve also used a keylogger to get his Apple ID and password. Can we say “one-click,” baby? Next time he gets paid (he’s got like $.76 in there right now), I’m ordering myself an iPad. I don’t know how I’m going to get it past him at the door when it arrives, but I’ll have to chew that rope when I get to it.

Why do I want an iPad? Well, he’s right. Color is better than black and white. And now, in HD, I can go to YouTube and watch my favorite video, the Hamster Dance. And with the new iBooks app, I can download my favorite periodical, Hamsters.

And with the 9.6-inch screen, hamster porn will never be the same. You see, 9.6 inches may be pretty nice to you, but it’s HUMUNGOUS to me. Now, how to get it past the Big Dumb Guy?