ROFLMAO

ROFLMAO Parnel McAdam meditates on the old-fashioned notion of the sentence and whether the world would make more sense in e-speak.

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here’s something about the way I write that has been bugging me for quite a while. I feel I should challenge myself, and attempt to do something about this before it gets out of hand. You see, I’m addicted to short sentences. The first one is always free. That’s the bait. Like some language junkie, I discovered that a short sentence could

interest in language and grammar. Two books have been released on the subject, and both have been popular and successful. I guess language is cool again (which I am totally cool with. I like, language, it lets me say stuff). These two books, Eats, Shoots, and Leaves, and Death Sentence: The Decay of Public Language have inspired me to change myself, and shown me the way, that

watches movies all day), and thus he knows everything about movies, and another thinks he knows everything there is to know about music (despite never paying for any of it), and I was left with nothing for myself, so needing an interest different from those two, I chose books, and as you can see, it has influenced me in a great number of ways, not least the use of lengthy, rambling sentences.

“Perhaps a study could be conducted into email language. Or even a degree.” easily and quickly convey any kind of point. At first I used them at the end of paragraphs, to add a little full-stop to a point. Then it was in the middle of a paragraph. Then it was the first sentence. Short sentences are not harmful in small doses, so they say. You can use them once or twice, and you will have no negative effects. I thought to myself, why not? I won’t get addicted. Just one try. What’s the point of living if you never do anything? Anyway, you can’t get hooked from just one puff. I was wrong. My writing went from long, flowing language, to short, staccato sentences. Reading it was like watching a jackhammer. So. Many. Full-stops. I couldn’t shake the horse from my back. It was hurting my friends and family. This is it. This is where I finally rid myself of the demons. I have made a decision. I am going cold turkey from short sentences. Recently there has been a heightened

writing about writing can be interesting. The best thing about these two works is that perhaps they can teach my generation how to use grammar. You see, we were never really taught it; not high school, not primary school, not infants, not even preschool. We were never good enough for grammar. We had the basic rules, of course, like full-stops. Other than that, though, there was very little. On top of all this, I have recently decided to become a literature buff. I have been reading so called “classics”, and the main thing that strikes me is the prevalence of long sentences, that sometimes go on for paragraphs or even pages. I’m going to attempt to write in this style, and have an entire paragraph with only one full-stop. The main reason I have decided to become a literature buff is my friends; you see one of them works at a video store (a profession I envy, because he

Just like short sentences, however, long sentences tend to be addictive, and soon one can find oneself using them all the time, not just in classic novels (which is where they rightfully belong), but in assignments, reports, and even emails (which is where they should never appear, under any circumstance), leading to all the above mentioned symptoms, only this time attributed to overlong sentences. The key is to find a balance between the two extremes, where you can use a long sentence on a point of much importance, and then use a short sentence to add a little extra to the ending. It’s not easy, but it can be done. Practice, as they say, makes perfect, and all it takes is a little time. And a lot of writing. I think the main culprit in influencing this type of behaviour is email. I’m not a big fan of email, but I use it when I have to. Email encourages users to be succinct, to the point, and efficient. Spelling and

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the wonder of the spellchecker, which can turn an ordinary email into Shakespeare. More or less. Even if we had no access to a spell-check, as long as the gist of the information is present, the brain can interpret the meaning. It was recently shown that when reading, a reader

“Language is a harsh and fickle mistress. She can do great things for you.” only need see the beginning and end of a word, the rest of the letters are unimportant and defunct. I deicded to tset this thoery by delbireately mispeling most of the words in this pargraph. It’s not easy, as the copmuter wants to autmoatcially fix erevy one of my intnetional mistaeks. If waht I have wirtten is still deciferable, then why is tehre such an empahpis on speeling, espceially at our eductional instutions? Granted, it would be a headache for a reader if everything was written with no regard for any of the language rules. It would be even harder for the writer; with no rules to live by and break, no

innovation would occur, and writing would die. Language is a harsh and fickle mistress. She can do great things for you - if you treat her right, and don’t break her rules. She can also hang you out to dry, if you break too many. Simple misspellings can cause huge misunderstandings. A friend of mine once called everyone in class a bunch of “goofs”, a popular word for us at the time. Unfortunately it sounded as though a letter replacement had occurred, much to the disdain of the largely Asian populated class. As long as you stay away from those little, simple, mistakes and misunderstandings, she will be kind to you. She lets you communicate your thoughts. She allows you to say lots of things to lots of people. Without language, we would be lower than animals. Perhaps the solution is to forget formal language completely. If no one bothers to use it any more, what’s the point? We could translate classic texts and email them to each other. Hopefully this article has helped me shed some of my demons. Maybe now I can shake the monkey – stop writing short sentences, and start using intelligent, thought out ones. Or maybe it’s all lost. Either way, I’ve always got email, right?ü

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IC A M R E TO Estoric America.

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grammar are unnecessary burdens to the efficient emailer. The idea of email is to cram as much information into a short space as quickly as possible. I have been receiving emails from a cousin traveling overseas. In his emails, spelling and grammar are nonexistent. Basically his emails are a series long sentences in which he explains what has been happening without the use of any punctuation whatsoever and filled with numerous spelling mistakes which makes them extremely difficult to read. Kind of like the previous sentence. Despite the lack of any regard for grammar rules, or punctuation in general, I have no trouble understanding what he is trying to say, which can be the opposite when reading heavy literature. Maybe if James Joyce was translated into e-speak it would be more accessible, and more people would be reading and understanding it. Because of my use of email, I now have to actively think when writing, lest “though” become “tho”, or “great” becomes “gr8”. Perhaps a study could be conducted into email language. Or even a degree. Instead of having a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature you could major in email literature. You could study the evolution of the anagram; how LOL (laugh out loud) became ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing) and then evolved into ROFLMAO (rolling on the floor laughing my arse off). Another issue that email communication highlights is the inability of anyone to actually spell. Most people don’t bother to spell check their emails before they are sent, and they are thus littered with spelling mistakes, which although minor, can be extremely annoying. The most common is replacing “the” with “teh”, caused by the user’s rush, confusing the fingers into pressing e before h. That is the best – and worst – thing about writing on a computer. You always get ahead of yourself, and the brain works a lot faster than the fingers ever could, so spelling mistakes are bound to happen. But on the other hand you have

Those garrulous grey-hairs crow - Garrotes in hand And drop their bombs On innocent lands

Jason Gray

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