If you play video games, you probably need a gaming headset. There are plenty of reasons to get one: Maybe you’ve been bullied into buying one by your buds, who insist that you absolutely have to hunt monsters with them. Or maybe you just want high-quality sound while you play games and don’t want to shell out for an expensive speaker setup. Or maybe you, like myself, have a partner who would rather you didn't distract them with the sound of ceaseless explosions when they're trying to sleep. (Her name is Kristin. She'll be important later on in this story.)
The problem is that most gaming headsets look like butt. Chrome and molded plastic butt. Michael Bay Transformer butt. I don't know how we got here, but sweep any listing of top gaming headsets and it seems like the vast majority of the gaming public wants to play games with Megatron’s dentures strapped to their dome.
If you were to think about it for a bit, there should be no reason why a gaming headset couldn't also serve as a pair of general-use premium headphones. They’re supposed to be comfortable, have killer sound, and many have a mic built right in. But even in a post-Beats world, gaming headsets are unilaterally something you want to leave in the house. They're an aesthetic nightmare, designed by people who seem to believe that style and performance are parallel tracks that ought never to meet, like Republicans and their consciences.
This is because, as a rule, the only thing gaming products want to visually signal is how powerful they are. How efficient and serious their performance will be. Even at their sleekest, a gaming headset will always favor Ferrari over Yeezy, because gamers supposedly want their gear to deliver, not match their sneakers. Which is very silly, because 1) You're playing video games and that should be fun, and 2) I would kill for a headset that matched my sneakers. Anyway, there's a reason why so little marketing for these headsets shows anyone actually wearing them.
To that end, I tried out five gaming headsets from leading brands, in an effort to find a pair that both sounded good and did not fill me with any more self-loathing than I normally have for myself. Kristin, the very nice woman you might remember from a few paragraphs back, would help me on this journey, mostly by trying hard not to laugh at me but also by giving style notes. That is, unfortunately, me in all the photos, so you can see what she's talking about.
Note that I am not a professional headphones reviewer. I do not have any equipment to scientifically measure performance, or tell you anything about decibels and whatnot. I am just, like you, a guy who needs a gaming headset. Who also happens to have a girlfriend with a lot of opinions about them.
"Wait. Those aren't light-up, right? That's just the way they are?" Kristin asks, noting the bright metallic blue piping along the side of the Astro A50s I'm wearing. "Wow it's really that neon?"
She's very skeptical, and I mean, I get it. Look at what I'm wearing. My ears feel quite comfortable, but they know compromises have been made—which is an odd thing to say about a pair of premium $300 headphones, I know.
"I'm gonna come down pretty hard on these," Kristin says. "I do not like them. I think they are intentionally designed to make you look ridiculous. I feel like they're trying to make you look like a video game character, and I do not appreciate that. These are my least favorite."
Which is unfortunate, because the A50s are, all things considered, pretty damn great. Their blocky, rectangular cans can cozily accommodate ears as large as mine (I've got pretty big ears), the sound quality is very good, and after a bit of time adjusting to the fabric covering the earpads—they're a bit warmer than the leathery materials on most headsets—I can wear them for a long time and not feel all that miserable. Kristin, however, would not.
"No. I would not wear them outside," she says, "but I would not wear them inside either."
Compared to the others here, the Turtle Beach Stealth 700 is actually pretty chill in its design. There's nothing really superfluous except for its tiny mic, which might be a gesture towards restraint but ends up just being goofy-looking. The cans are heavy on sharp angles—probably to imply performance—and they sound pretty good! Unfortunately, they feel less durable—plastic is probably the word you'll think of most when wearing them.
"These feel weirdly, more than the others, like something I would see a high schooler or teen wearing. It feels like baby's first gamer headset," Kristin tells me. "I think it's because of the neon green, which makes me think of Mountain Dew. I know that's insensitive to the gaming community, but I'm sorry, that's where my mind went."
So I wasn't planning on getting these at all. But it turns out Mega Man just had a birthday or something, and Capcom PR sent over a pair with some party hats to celebrate. (That sounds like a joke. It's not.) Anyway, if you don't know Mega Man, he's a little anime robot dude with a big blue helmet, and these headphones are designed to kind of look like the helmet. Kristin did not know this.
"Hmmmm." She began, diplomatically. "There are several alarming shades of blue on this set."
She then notices the cans, which light up when I flip a switch. "OH WOW AND THERE'S RED TOO! Okay this is a lot. It definitely seems like they were designed for a cartoon character of some kind. These are not discreet. These very much announce I am here to play some video games, motherfuckers."
As for the sound quality, it's serviceable, mostly bolstered by the fact that the cans on this thing completely shut out the outside world in a way the others don't. Of the five headsets, this one definitely feels the most like plastic, and requires the most conviction to wear. If I were a cool DJ I could probably pull it off, but I am not a cool DJ, as Kristin reminded me.
"I feel like if I entered a living room and you were wearing these, I would be startled." She said.
"Would you sit next to me?" I asked.
"Are people watching?"
"Yes."
"Then no."
This headset was the one I got when I first bought my Playstation 4 a few years back. I didn't really do much research, I just found them on sale for Black Friday and it seemed like a good idea. To their credit, these are one of the few gaming sets I've seen that seem actually designed. They've got a sense of style, even if that style is a little awkward—the cans are extremely round and large and cut an unusual profile, but it's still got a touch of je ne sais quois that says "video games!" when you look at it. (They also have an internal mic built-in, which is really nice.)
This is probably why Kristin is warmest to them. "From personal experience I know those cans are ridiculously large and not conducive to earrings—I've worn them and I have a tiny face," she says. "But I kind of like them, they've got a splash of color that makes them more distinctive, but I think they work pretty well. They seem like normal headphones someone would wear while listening to music."
You probably shouldn't get these though, mostly because there's a 2018 model inbound in the next few weeks that looks even sleeker and purports to sound better too—and hopefully it's a little more sturdy than these.
From what I've gathered from multiple best-of lists, the HyperX Cloud Alphas are the gold standard of gaming headsets, and they live up to the hype. Durable and immediately comfortable, with a design that values function without veering into the performance fetishism that most gaming accessories embrace, the Cloud Alpha kills it in the sound and comfort areas while only being as garish as they need to be. The biggest eyesore is the (detachable) microphone, which is probably what made Kristin laugh when I put them on.
"I think you look like the local news' traffic reporter," she giggled. "I've seen headsets like this in other settings besides video games, so I'm not that upset about it. You could also be a TV producer on a red carpet standing behind Ryan Seacrest, which is never a good place to be."
I ask if she would wear them.
"Not outside."
Oh well. They're my favorite of the bunch, and she hasn't dumped me yet.