Unfortunately, producers didn't stop with one film, Children of the Corn spawned six terrible sequels, most of which went straight-to-video. How this one-note premise existed for nearly two decades is beyond me. And now, because the franchise just won't die, we're treated to an equally wretched remake from veteran producer-turned-writer/director Donald P. Borchers (who also produced the original film).
This Corn, loosely based on King's own unused screenplay (for the 1984 film), is a much cleaner, accurate adaptation of the original story, barring some cheap changes Borchers made to the narrative (he's also credited as the film's writer).
A young couple, Burt (David Anders, Heroes) and Vicki (Kandyse McClure, Battlestar Galactica), in the midst of marital woes, are heading to California seeking council. While traveling through Nebraska, they accidently hit a young boy along the road. Not sure what to do, they wrap his body up and take him to the nearest town. Once there, they find themselves being stalked by a group of mysterious children who've formed a religious cult that "sacrifices" anyone over the age of 19. This cult kidnaps Burt's wife and forces Burt into the corn, where he not only must hide from the lurking children, but face "He Who Walks Behind the Roes."
While the original film (and short story) slowly built upon the idea that children were our villains, this film starts right off in the middle of an old-fashioned revival, with a young kid, who's dressed up like a cross between punk and Howdy Doody, convincing his followers (all children) that adults are sinners and must be killed. The film then skips ahead 12 years and the town is now overrun by children, with no adults in sight. This is where our "heroes," Burt and Vicki, enter the picture.
Burt and Vicki are easily two of the most unlikable heroes I've ever seen. They bicker and argue for the entire first act with only slight, sloppy jump scares added throughout to create garbled tension -- it doesn't work.
Anders is fine with his one-dimensional Vietnam vet Rambo-like role, but McClure is horrendous as Vicki. She tries for hysterical (and begins her decline way too early), but her performance reeks of tired dinner theater. She throws her arms around and shouts at Burt, erratically changing her stance so many times you'll wonder why Burt even wants to hold the marriage together in the first place. Given McClure's decent resume, I'm left to assume Borchers simply didn't know how to guide the young actress toward an effective performance.
The lack of subtlety with their relationship does occasionally work to create cheap, unfocused tension during the first few minutes, but by minute 40 it becomes tedious and frustrating, not only because we're tired of watching two adults bicker like children, but because nothing of interest has actually happened yet.
That's when our wayward villains re-enter the picture. It's clear they've been lurking about -- we even see them from time to time. But instead of allowing audiences to be surprised (if that's even possible) by the convention of murderous children, Borchers throws his audience head-first into the mess.
And that would be fine if the child performers weren't completely terrible, giving performances that match McClure's. The children trip around their dialogue, and half the extras are either smiling in self-awareness or throwing cheap scowls, overacting with each passing second and growing just as bored as the audience
Our lead villain, Issac (Preston Bailey, Cody on Dexter), is downright embarrassing. He can barely deliver his complex dialogue, and costume designers give him this giant, over-sized Amish-style hat that dominates his entire persona. It's more laugh-inducing than anything else. And besides, a villain just can't be very scary when his two front teeth are still coming in.
Issac's right-hand man, Malachi, played by the obviously 28-year-old Daniel Newman (so much for killing those over 19), is equally embarrassing. Hair drapes over his eyes and his face and chest are covered with spattered blood which never seems to dry (perhaps this is an ode to Scott Speedman's character from Underworld). Malachi's lamebrain dialogue is delivered by Newman with wooden two-dimensionality that feels neither scary nor intimidating. And because Malachi is basically the source of 90 percent of the film's "scares," the picture is left empty and vapid, drained of any intensity.
Basically, Borchers' adaptation of Children of the Corn is one-part nasty bickering, two-parts boring corn chase, with no scares or creepiness to speak of and embarrassingly bad performances from otherwise likeable actors inhabiting terrible characters. The film does host an interesting finale, but like the rest of the film, it leaves audiences wanting more horror and less filler.
Score: 3 out of 10
Video and Presentation
Children of the Corn is presented in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen. At first glance, this is a sharp, clean looking picture. But upon further study, flaws in the transfer become rather apparent. Like many cheaper, low-budget DTV titles out there, lighting is an issue and it plays havoc with the quality of the transfer. At times, scenes are too dark which leads to unnecessary noise. Other times, scenes are lit with what appears to be overhead fluorescents, giving the environments a flat, stale look and feel. Instead of offering a deeper, richer palette, the film boasts a sun-baked palette of orange and yellow. And details lack depth and sharpness.
The encode is fairly clean, but the thick mazes of corn seen in the film bogs down some scenes with heavy artifacts. The print also gives way to motion blur, a common problem among shot-on-HD projects. I can't imagine most of these flaws could be fixed which simply leaves horror fans with yet another mediocre transfer.
Score: 6 out of 10
Languages and Audio
Audio choices are English Dolby Digital 5.1 with English captions for the hearing impaired. This front-dominant presentation is certainly not an engaging mix, but Anchor Bay does manage to give this track a few ambient punches elevating this mix slightly above a glorified stereo track. The center channel is relatively clear and clean. Don't expect much usage out of bass or the surrounds and you'll enjoy what this track has to offer.
Score: 6 out of 10
Extras and Packaging
This single-disc DVD comes packed in a black amaray case with a dull, brushed slipcover. Extras are fairly consistent with most C-grade DTV releases with no real surprises. They include:
- Uncut Version
- Featurette: New Directions (10 minutes)
- Featurette: Cast of the Corn (10 minutes)
- Featurette: To Live and Die in Gatlin (11 minutes)
- Featurette: Fly on the Wall (12 minutes)
The "Uncut" version of the film is presented here. I didn't manage to see the network premiere, so I'm not sure what's different -- likely just heavy amounts of added gore, nudity and language. Anchor Bay hosts nearly 45-minutes of interviews and featurettes. Sadly, nothing here is all that interesting.
"New Directions" is an interview piece with the writer/director discussing how he botched, err, remade the cult classic. "Cast of the Corn" features canned interviews with the film's stars, McClure, Anders and Newman.
"To Live and Die in Gatlin" is yet another interview featurette, this time focusing on effects and production design, with interviews with designer Andrew Hussey and make-up FX artist Alan Tuskes. "Fly on the Wall" features a muddle of behind-the-scenes footage. Sadly, without any interviews cut in between, the footage just isn't that interesting.
The disc is preloaded with the usual collection of trailers for upcoming Anchor Bay titles.
Score: 4 out of 10
The Bottom Line
Nasty, unlikable characters, terrible performances and a script that does little to create a tense, scary atmosphere make Children of the Corn one of the worst remakes of the year. Out of respect for Stephen King and his wonderful career of scaring the hell out of people, skip this movie and read the original, more effective, story instead. And if you still need a "creepy murderous kid" fix, rent The Children instead. It's a much sharper, scarier story.