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- Bender: I was telling Fry you were dead so that he would cry out the emperor, but you had to spoil it by surviving.
- Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?
- Fry: [Fry struggles to cry and fails] It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho.
- Bender: I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything.
- Fry: Wha'd'you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet.
- Bender: Good point... but here's a disturbing reminder: anyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.
- Fry: These things happen.
- Bender: Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one, 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Ha ha ha!
- Fry: Phew, that's a load off my mind.
- Bender: Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry.
- Amy Wong: You did your best, Bender.
- Bender: Up yours, bimbo!
- [Amy cries]
- Dr. Zoidberg: Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.
- Bender: Cram it, lobster!
- [Zoidberg cries]
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Good news, everyone.
- Bender: Uh-oh. I don't like the sound of that.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol.
- Bender: Here it comes.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the Forbidden Zone.
- Bender: Thank you, and good night.
- Leela: Professor, are we even allowed in the Forbidden Zone?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Why of course. It's just a name, like the Death Zone, or the Zone of No Return. All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.
- Amy Wong: Is this salt water?
- Bender: It's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean.
- Fry: My vision's fading! I think I'm gonna die!
- Bender: There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Uh oh. I shouldn't have had seconds.
- Fry: Hey, whatcha' watchin'?
- Bender: [hastily turning off the TV] Uh, nothin'!
- Leela: Was that a cooking show?
- Bender: No, of course not! It was, uh... porno! Yeah, that's it!
- Leela: [turning the TV back on] Bender! I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute.
- Bender: Aww, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long...
- Fry: It's okay Bender, I like cooking too.
- Bender: Pansy.
- Hermes Conrad: Bender, it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf around on the couch.
- Bender: You call that a couch? I demand a pillow!
- Fry: Wow, you guys have every kind of meat here except human.
- Neptunian Vendor: What? You want human?
- Murg: This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort.
- Fry: Puh, puh, puh... How about that one?
- Murg: Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing.
- Fry: On second thought, I'll take that one.
- Murg: Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgement.
- Bender: I was telling Fry you were dead so that he would cry out the emperor, but you had to spoil it by surviving.
- Fry: [looking at an empty portrait frame marked Fry's Assassin's Assassin] Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.
- Amy Wong: I don't think you have anything to worry about. These people seem pretty mild-mannered.
- Dr. Zoidberg: They are mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now.
- Gorgak: You've touched me in ways I've never been touched before.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge, separating out the denser fluid of his highness.
- Fry: But won't that crush my bones?
- Dr. Zoidberg: Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones...
- Elzar: Of course the most important ingredient is this little baby right here, the Neptunian slug. You can get it from a can, but to really do things right, you gotta strangle yourself a fresh one.
- [he grabs the slug; it starts to grow]
- Elzar: This is why you always want to have cast iron cookware.
- [starts hitting the slug with a pan]