CRAP, MORE CRAP, and TOTAL CRAP

When I met Ernie, he was 86 and dying of pancreatic cancer. His lovely wife, Eleanor, asked hospice for help and I was assigned as a chaplain to the team that cared for him at home.

I loved my visits with Ernie. Originally from New York City, he moved his family to Florida in the late 70’s and brought his printing business with him as well. By all accounts, he was a successful entrepreneur and exceptionally creative.

Ernie was never at a loss for words, outspoken, and employed language that could be politely described as colorful. Three of his favorite expressions were: What a load of crap!, That’s just more crap!, and, That’s a complete load of total crap! “You see, Chaplain Tom,” Ernie once confided in me, “Eleanor wants me to clean up my language, so I don’t use s*^t anymore.”

After several months of visiting him at home and then in our inpatient unit, I was deeply saddened when Ernie went home to God. I felt like I lost a friend who never hesitated to share the unvarnished truth with me about life, relationships, and business.

About a month after his death, UPS delivered a box to me with a note from Ernie’s wife, Eleanor. Inside the box were colorful manila folders that Ernie printed and sold as gag gifts in his printing business years ago. There were three sets of about a dozen each, emboldened with three different expressions: CRAP, MORE CRAP, and TOTAL CRAP. Eleanor’s note read, Dear Chaplain Tom: Ernie would have wanted you to have these as a memory of all the great conversations you two shared….and trust me…he wouldn’t want you to take any CRAP from anyone.

So, I’ve kept and used those folders for years, always having a good thought for both Ernie and Eleanor. Recently, someone objected to a TOTAL CRAP folder that I had at a meeting and complained about it like I was the worst criminal in the world for possessing such a dastardly thing. I thought about Ernie when I read the comment and with a smile, laughed to myself, That’s a complete load of total crap.

I’ll always remember Ernie and his favorite expression from the Bible: “Don’t look for the speck in your brother’s eye, while ignoring the beam in your own.” Embrace life, don’t sweat the small stuff, and rise above those who have nothing better to do than throw TOTAL CRAP your way.