This was published 9 months ago
Opinion
Dear Dan, you have robbed me of my coveted Games volunteer tracksuit
Kate Halfpenny
Regular columnistFar out, the Commonwealth Games cancellation has been shattering. We didn’t even start spit-balling mascot ideas or pressure our swimmers to win every medal. Since last year when the regional concept for the event was announced, I’d been on a high, knowing it brought me closer to fulfilling a personal goal.
Being an official Comm Games volunteer.
Volunteers parade at the Melbourne Commonwealth Games in 2006.Credit: Wayne Taylor
I wanted that tracksuit so bad. Dreamed of the lanyard stamping me as an authority figure who could show people which lights to cross at outside Kardinia Park. I was keen to demystify for outsiders the sporting precincts of Geelong, just up the road from my place.
At Melbourne’s 2006 Comm Games, we were close enough to the weightlifters for our kids to hear their pop-offs as they heaved. We were staggeringly lucky enough to be at the MCG when Kerryn McCann ran along the Yarra, down Brunton Avenue and into the packed stadium to win the marathon gold in the last few paces of the home straight. Hands down the best sporting moment I’ve seen. Still makes me cry.
And everywhere we went, volunteers were there, guiding lights in Taslan. I coveted their “can-do” attitude as much as the uniforms. It inspired me to aim to be part of something as craptastic as the Comm Games – and it felt within my grasp until the mission was blown up on the launchpad by Dan Andrews.
Sometimes, between kicking myself for forgetting Aldi special buys day and wondering if I could rope Mum in for a Saturday boot-scooting class at the Drysdale hall, I wish Dan wore an earpiece that gave me 24/7 Siri-style access to him. Then before he trampled our dreams, I could have whispered in real time two words that might have saved the day.
The Comm Games volunteer tracksuit is a coveted item.Credit: Glen McCurtayne
People power.
Spending billions on organisers or building athlete accommodation has whiskers on it. Instead, harness the power of the citizens of Victoria.
Start with something society doesn’t do enough of: billeting. Allocate an athlete to households who want one. Bags I get a hot Scot who never shuts up – that accent – and is competing in the pistols at dawn.
Kick one of the kids out of their room to free up the bottom bunk or pump up the Clark Rubber mattress in the pool room. Get Nan to make her Keen’s mustard powder chicken curry for an early dinner, play a couple of hands of family Uno and make sure there’s enough hot water for everyone to have a shower.
Then send your athlete off to their event with a ham and hummus wrap and a juice box. Maybe a box of sultanas for that 3pm energy low. You want your billet to win a medal for bragging rights at the charcoal chicken shop on Friday night.
We parents are so extraordinarily practised at getting the kids to Little Aths, swim squad, gymnastics – on time and with everything packed – that we’d romp this in. We have the skills to man the tuck shops and act as venue marshals. And if we needed extra firepower, those incredible tight-ship organisers the CWA could take charge of logistics and pop out road cones.
People power would be so on brand with the supreme dagginess of the Commonwealth Games, a contest which had its day yonks ago but is terrific because it never bows to fashion. It prefers legacy, which in this case means us smashing the brains out of all the tiny countries then exulting over it, being bemused by the aforementioned mascot, and finding ourselves appalled/thrilled by jingoistic commentary.
So much better than the Olympic Games, which are hard to win and come with those impenetrable arty opening ceremonies.
Cool idea as an extra incentive to reboot the Commonwealth Games: Dan himself could compete in one of the new events organisers were keen on introducing. Contract tearing up! The more you have to pay to get out of the broken deal, the higher you rank. He’d be on the podium for sure.
Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.
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