In those rare moments when I am not contemplating world peace, and what part I might play in achieving it, I have been thinking about breasts. Not mine, other people’s. Specifically, Salma Hayek’s, whose eye-catching appearance on the red carpet at the Evening Standard Theatre Awards on Sunday made me want to take her to one side and say, in tones of sisterly compassion: put them away, love.
I sympathise with her top-heaviness. I am, too, and it is by no means the unalloyed joy that straight men and the flat-chested might imagine. Big boobs are difficult. Handling them — stop sniggering, not that sort of handling — takes care and practice, all the more as you get older and face up to the possible