Some ledes just can't be improved upon, so we're not going to bother tampering with the Daily News's opening line in their vital latest report on the sexy banker: "Turns out those assets are inflated." Just when you thought (hoped?) the story of buxom banker Debrahlee Lorenzana was running out of steam, the tabloid turned up a four-part Discovery Health Channel series chronicling Lorenzana's search for a plastic surgeon. It's unclear what this has to do with her legal action against Citigroup, but who cares when we've got our hot heroine saying stuff like, "That's what I want to be: tits on a stick."
Other gems: "Once you get it done once, you have to get it done twice, why not?" Also: "I love plastic surgery. I think it is the best thing that ever happened." Indeed, she loves it so much she's had four procedures done: a tummy tuck, liposuction, and two breast enhancement procedures, performed to give Lorenzana her desired "huge, double-D, very perky" breasts. The Discovery show features Lorenzana at age 26 and on a "determined manhunt" to find a mate with "the looks of a George Clooney or Ben Affleck. He'll be happy because I'll be looking like a little Playboy Playmate."
Cut to 2010: Lorenzana's a 33-year-old single mom working overtime to publicize her dispute with Citigroup (she says they fired her because supervisors found her appearance too distracting). Responding to questions about her plastic surgery, lawyer Jack Tuckner tells the News, "Whatever her assets are, they don't have a right to comment on them or objectify her." But the media does have a right to keep using her case as an excuse to publish provocative photos of Lorenzana. As this Bloomberg News editorial observes, "The Lorenzana complaint... after languishing in the bowels of a New York courthouse for six months, got legs—and breasts and buttocks—only after the Voice published those pictures."
To help you sort through your feelings on all of this, Runnin' Scared has aggregated a servicey guide to the six different Debrahlee Lorenzana Facebook pages, to help you decide which group to join. Get involved, people—so far this is all we've got this summer, at least until the sharks start attacking (that is, if any survive that bummer oil spill story).
